If April Ludgate designed comfort wear, this would be it — quietly judgmental, effortlessly unimpressed, and guaranteed to make at least three people uncomfortable without you saying a single word.
This “Equal Opportunity Sasshole” sweatshirt is for the ones who don’t discriminate in their sarcasm: friends, coworkers, strangers in line at Target — everyone gets the same deadpan energy. Soft, cozy, and perfect for wearing while avoiding eye contact, ignoring group chats, or plotting petty revenge with absolutely no follow-through.
Wear it to work, brunch, or anywhere you want people to know your love language is lightly roasting everyone equally.
Product features - Printed on a Gildan 18000 heavyblend crewneck sweatshirt - Tubular knit — no side seams for a smooth, waste‑reducing finish - Medium‑heavy 50/50 cotton‑poly fabric (8.0 oz/yd²) for warmth and durability - Ribbed knit collar and cuffs retain shape; double‑needle stitching at stress points - OEKO‑TEX dyes and US Cotton Trust Protocol cotton; made in Nicaragua
Care instructions - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Non-chlorine: bleach as needed - Tumble dry: low heat - Do not iron - Do not dryclean
